Yesterday we got the news that my mother was in a new hospital, and she was in critical condition. Mom has been in four different hospitals, two different nursing homes and has had three major surgeries on her heart and a broken hip since July. Her heart valves are not working properly and she is very sick. The doctors now have her sedated and on a ventilator until her chest is clear, then they will ease her off of it and see how she manages.
A snow storm was about to hit us, so my aunt went to stay in the city with my cousin to be closer to mom. I made the call to stay here, to wait out the storm and go up to see her after the weekend. Last night, she had a couple of attacks, they resuscitated her and we were almost certain she would not make it through the night.
So many emotions ran yesterday. Today, she is stable with a little less blockage than yesterday. I feel helpless as I sit and wait.
The other day I came across a birthday card with a letter from my mother in it. She was telling me what a woman I’ve become, how proud she is and that she is sorry for my childhood. That letter is a few years old and I still have not “pulled it out from the rug I swept it under”. I just went along not speaking of it all to her.
To think I might not have the chance to tell her I love her. That all is forgiven. That I no longer blame her or even my biological mother.
Her and my father, {who passed away when I was 19} adopted me, took me in, sheltered me with no questions asked. Life was very tough for me at a young age. I didn’t understand it then, but my mom did the best she knew how. I blamed her for everything. I blamed God for creating this life for me. At the time, I had no idea SHE what was battling and the hard life she had led. BUT, I shall save all those pieces to the puzzle for another day.
As for today, we sit and pray. If anyone else has been through a time like this, please let me know how you’ve gotten through it.
